God / History / Mentalhealth / Toolbox

Chinese Whispers and Rumour stop Connection

You can’t yell at someone over and over again when there’s an intervention order – SIMPLE
You can’t drive past a few times a day, stalk, and tell your kids your mums the reason you are going to jail, coz that’s the reason , right there – it means stay away, nearly a year of my life a living hell – kids don’t touch Ice!!!
More chances than I can count, but what are doing to change the situation and get things better for your kids, are you looking for a rehab or just people to egg you on and indulge your bad habit, while we sit here like prisoners in our own home !!
You were a good person but you are not in there the Ice soul has control ,, stop making me feel bad , I woke up one day and it was all taken from me too !!!!!!!
Now I have to be responsible so the kids aren’t scared for life. Oh wait too late…..
But don’t worry you keep doing what your doing ..
I’m constantly reassuring them that daddy didn’t choose ice over them.
Those people you see all around Morwell going off down the street , that’s what I have to deal with at least once a week with kids watching !!! Something has to change

The above could have been written by any parent anywhere, dealing with drug addiction, mental illness, alcoholism. It is a cry for help, screaming to be heard as she digs in her heels trying to resist the drag of this force that is pulling the family they love into the darkness, the abyss.

It was in fact written last night by a friend, for a year she has struggled in silence on her own, telling only church leaders and close family of what she battles. But she no longer feels safe keeping secrets, she needs help, she needs to know she has wider support, she is clutching blindly for resources and hands to help hold against the darkness.

The most important part is NO ONE should ever have to go through this crap alone….
She needs our support

She doesn’t need us to be bagging on him or putting crap on her about him, she doesn’t need our pity, she doesn’t need our sympathy, she doesn’t need our platitudes.

She needs to be recognised, that she is strong, and she is worthwhile, she is worth our time to hear her struggles and share our love and that she is preserving their family, she is protecting them. She is doing the best she can in a really shitty situation.

She needs to be heard,
She needs to know she isn’t alone,
She needs to be able to step outside ‘this’ at times and
She needs to be allowed to scream her frustration at the constant lack of answers and options.

And above and beyond all she needs to know she has support, that she can discuss her struggles even if just to understand it a bit better for herself and weed the path from the underbrush and that she doesn’t have to do it all herself on her own.

Because beyond it all she loves him, she is as concerned for his welfare as her children’s and her own. But she is between a rock and a hard place and working with what she has got.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone,without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Galatians 6:2-10

What is important is that we respect her sharing and we don’t spread it like gossiping old wives over our tea cups in malice. Once spread beyond then it becomes chinese whispers and rumors.

Verses related to Gossip and Lies throughout the bible focus on harm and gossip, they don’t tell us not to speak about our personal challenges they tell us not to spread lies, to not undermine and malign, if it isn’t helpful don’t say it.

This does not mean staying silent about the train about to hit the man on the tracks, this does not mean not calling for help when drowning. Help I am drowning! This does not include saying “hey, step back for a second, can you see the harm you are doing here?” Yet often in our churches those who are struggling with mental illness and drug addiction are silenced by platitudes, they are told not to speak evil on themselves as if to acknowledge it will suddenly make it more real than it already is.  It is implied that to ask for help and discuss their challenge,  itself, is rumour and gossip.

Asking for Help and sharing experience is not rumour and gossip, even in the bible it is not portrayed as rumour and gossip. It is actually sharing the burden, it is empathy, it is being part of a community rather than being isolated from.

 

 

It’s not so much the safer she will feel if we know. But quite literally the safer she can be, if we know and are responsible with knowing.

It means she can access more resources to stay safe there are more places to go to for help without having to spend hours explaining why she needs help. It means she has access to a greater range of knowledge and experience on which to draw.

It’s not just venting. She needs to share for a hundred different equally important reasons, including letting others know that they are not alone.

Over the last 6 years while going through so much of what you see in this blog I was frequently silenced by the church, judged, rejected, and they attempted to correct me. I rolled through like a juggernaut defying the opposition and speaking out in spite of, speaking up for others I saw being treated likewise, while drowning in their challenges, stranded on their own calling out for help.

Last night as 1 individual chastised my friend for daring to speak of her challenges and on facebook of all places her personal issues.

Facebook is not the place for private stuff. If you want to say something like this write it on paper and give it to them, not on Facebook for all to read. I feel so bad for all your family. ♡♡♡

Unhelpful, counter productive, she was disregarded by someone who she would think is a friend and she knows well. I witnessed the church pastor stand up and defend her speaking out, ending her silent lonely war with these challenges.

2 years ago our pastor would have been the one chastising.

I don’t regret a single time which I spoke up and pointed out the harm they were doing, because it means today my friend has the genuine help and support she needs while facing her own challenges.

To those who find themselves between a rock and a hard place trying to keep your family safe from the very family you love, You will get through this. You will find a way. There has been a lot of waiting and a lot more to come. What you wait for slowly changes, but it’s still waiting, while you wait all you can do is be Mum to your kids and make sure they know love.

Everyone thinks Mum is Superwoman but she can’t fix everything, she doesn’t always win, sometimes the small miracles is in simply doing our best with what we have to work with.

 

 

Today she came out and shared this great find. it isn’t much, its just a comment at an airport, but it sends a strong message that she is going to get through!

 

“You can’t Conquer what you refuse to Confront!”

 

I had a really nice long cleansing cry last night accepting the last 10 years and the challenges, accepting myself and knowing I have done my best.

 

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