I was absolutely blasted today, for not….. God only knows, the things they describe I should’ve done in response actually amount to child abuse… Including slapping belting and beating her for using the C word. Woman today need one hell of a reality check of that I am sure. As if a grown woman should be mortally wounded by a young teen vomiting swear words in frustration….heaven forbid
I posted “Pain brain…. I’m the evilest worst mum in the world because I left my phone at home and no one else with me was answering theirs….
then when I found them halfway from the station took them to the pharmacy for eldest to refill her micronelle script and they tell the lady at the chemist how EVIL and awful I am for going out for dinner and ditching them at home multiple times in recent weeks and how myself and their step father are so awful to live with…. and I say they are 17 16 and 13…. and we give each other a knowing nod…. and she says I’m sure you have your moments too and the youngest beams declaring a loud YEP!
and I find out half the town knows because alli couldn’t kath couldn’t she was in berwick and crystal couldnt and sammie couldn’t and their step father wasn’t answering….
and they claim I now have to take them out for dinner…. ahhh nope have a special dinner planned already!….. but they did concede its almost UNHEARD of for mum to leave her phone behind at least”
in a mums group and rather than pick up the fact I’m in pain the first piece of information I provided they go off their nut over her language…..and how dare I respond so nicely.
They had no idea they had tried to call me 10 times, nor how long they had been at the station, nor that it was raining. They assume the trip to the pharmacy was for the author of the text while it was actually for her sister.
All that aside they have no comprehension of the fact that the relationship that child has with her mother and the openness with which she speaks with her mother which they have championed as ideal multiple times is Due to the fact that her mum let’s her say what she feels she needs to. She can ask any question she feels she needs to, and when Unwell she can vomit endless hours of endless horrors of violent deaths, and mortal wounds and her mother won’t bat an eye. She can verbally vomit out the thoughts and ideas that plague her when with mum and mum isn’t going to stop her, mum isn’t going to judge her, mum won’t even insist that she tone it down. Because mum is listening to know how her daughter is feeling.
listening to her vocalising her moods and emotions is far more preferable to melt downs and eruptions. If it helps her keep a cool calm demeanour at other times, with everyone else and it works for her then so be it. Mum is a safe space with the full support and backing of the professionals treating her daughter. If it means swear words then so be it.
If that’s what it takes for her high risk daughter to shine, be house captain, study music, and hold her own through high school, then so be it.
Mum isn’t so emotionally delicate to take it personally it’s vocalising emotion. I’d take vocalising over risk of harm to herself or others any day.
I don’t know of ANY young lady with her challenges as stable as she is and if it’s working I’m going to stick with it.
What would demanding she not swear achieve? She will lose her cool, my day will be ruined, I won’t have any mechanism by which to know how her mood is travelling, endless punishments and groundings simply to make her behaviour more palatable for a group of judgemental women? I don’t think so…. She only does it with me to such an extent and random people’s opinions truly have no value to us….. They aren’t dealing with this.
And tbh if the parents of teenage kids took their youths a little less personally they may actually navigate those years more successfully with their teen still talking to them. It’s more important than any four letter word that our youth be able to talk to their parents openly.