As things have settled down and their step father went to Darwin for three months last year, I’ve been working more on my own health.

a week before my 39th birthday:-

• I quit smoking
• I started drinking 2-3 litres of water a day
• I started going to the gym every day to do a 1 hour workout.
• I started going for a short swim every day after my workout.
• I started going to Aqua Aerobics 4 times a week.
• I sent myself back for counselling to help address what remains of the PTSD to attempt to date and have a healthy relationship
• In the new year I started going to yoga and pilates a few days a week.
• I had two of my electric recliners repaired in January in order that I can be upright and doing things at home for longer rather than in my bed.

It has both helped and aggravated things. but overall I have more energy, I last longer before I wilt and I feel better within myself.

BUT my injuries remain what they are. Yoga and pilates, I can’t do everything in the group classes, in fact often enough I am just standing there doing a simple stretch while everyone else does a complex move. I am slowly figuring out which classes are more suitable for me but the line up is quite random to keep people interested which doesn’t help me select which are more suitable for me.

When their step father returned it did make things more difficult. He started trashing the kitchen again, using three pots and pans when he could use one and demanding we clean up after him without acknowledging his contribution to the mess. Having to deal with his sulks and tantrums because he wanted to come to the gym with me but had no consideration for my time, wasting it, waiting for him because he was never ready to go when it was time to, only rounding up his stuff and getting dressed AFTER it was time to go….but dragging him with me has stopped his spells. He is no longer collapsing and attention seeking but nor is he taking care of his health properly he is asleep all day and awake all night and not taking his medications at regular times… often rushing to take them and have something to eat while getting dressed when I am trying to get out the door. There have been more than a few times when I have simply walked out and left him behind.

My function hasn’t improved:

• I still can’t sit for any extended length of time.
• I still can’t lift more than 3 kg.
• I am still no more fit for employment.

This week for the first time ever I have only been to the gym once, due to having my period and my joints not responding well. I have been in pain, moving hurts, the endometriosis is still beating me up. We collected their book packs two days ago and I am still struggling with basic movement and sharp stabbing pains. I want to return to the gym I don’t want to give up and I just keep telling myself one more day and I will be ok to do a work out. I will get back to it but I am being gentle with myself. I am not being discouraged by the challenges, I am pacing my recovery after a kick in the guts. and when I do get back I may have to reduce the weights to begin with but I WILL get back into it.

BUT the good things:-

• I am stronger
• My black eyes are fading.
• My bags under my eyes are going away.
• The IBS has gone, kind of sort of.
• I am HUNGRY!
• My metabolism has woken up.
• It is easier to breathe.
• I’m taking fewer pain meds.
• The girls are enjoying joining me at the pool and getting active.